Don't Call Me, I'll Call You

....
My life is full of romance.

The last "date" I had involved a cute drunk boy showing up at my house for an evening stroll. I was optimistic.

Well...

He didn't seem all that tanked when he arrived, but by the time we were three blocks away from my house he could no longer hold himself up.

It took me a full forty minutes for me to mostly carry his six-foot-something-impressive frame back to my place. Where he passed out on my bed. I had to take his shoes off.

Don't look at me like that, this one was leagues beyond too drunk to fuck.

At least he was complimentary. “You have the most beautiful collarbone,” is what I think he slurred as he slipped from my arms and onto a sharp rock. Oops. He's going to feel that in the morning.

And he did. Oh, believe me, morning was all kinds of comfortable.

“Where did all these grass stains come from? I don't remember anything.”

Oh suuure.

Dear Teenage-Boy Roommates,

.............................
Sure, maybe now I'm the alluring older woman.


But wait till I'm sitting around the couch all day in my pajamas, laughing at my own farts.


Yeah, you just wait.

I really like how they all look super thrilled

"good news!"