Why I Don't Speak Hebrew

Well, Bat Mitzvahs are really expensive. They're kind of like weddings. You get a lot of gifts, but it costs more than you get. So you can have a Bat Mitzvah... or we can take allll that money and go on a family trip to Europe.

Europe!!

Ok!

When?

Later...

trust no one (over thirteen)

Superpowers

I'm supposed to be cramming for a midterm I have in a few hours, but instead all I can think about is how bad I want superpowers.

Nothing ridiculous like flying. I'm not stupid. I know that you need at least osteoporosis to do that.

Why can't I be consistently clever or fashionable - or, hell, appropriate? I want to appear comfortable at parties. Enchant people with my cryptic wit. Coolly separate sex from emotion. Enjoy effortless hand-eye coordination...

I can't even swim the crawl stroke.

Is smoking pot a superpower? Hamhandedness? Self-indulgent self pity??

I guess I can spell really well. Fuck.

It's a good thing nobody reads this.

Sean Paul for President

Suddenly it all makes sense



Created by Jesse Novak. He is talented.

Chat with the Smart Roommate

• salt is good: i have a presentation on thursday about the crucifixion

• salt is good: and i know im going to crack up when i talk about jesus and his suffering

• salt is good: he looks like a snake in the picture im using

• Me: you should have gotten a picture of black gay jesus

• salt is good: he doesnt get crucified though

• salt is good: he moonwalks away

Easy Peasy

I was a vegetarian once.

It was really easy...

till I stopped taking all that speed.

I hope it never comes to this

Post Secret

I know that it's old news, but even though it’s gone downhill I still love the melodrama of PostSecret.

My post secret:

[redacted]

...

Also, The best gift I can imagine getting would be a shower curtain with a map of the world on it.

Now everyone knows my deepest darkests.