Ew, what's this all over the bed? Angst?

Harold and Maudlin

[deleted the image by accident. no backup.]

The yawning mouth of hell

A former boyfriend saw this movie and told me it reminded him of me.

I have to say I was a little alarmed. Then I realized it was because he remembered I had sort of a thing for dentata folklore when I was 16. Dermoid cysts, or masculine fears of being devoured? Either way: cool!

(DO women diminish men with their vaginas? Geez. I mean I try.)

I wish I were in charge of marketing for this flick.

Chew on that.

...feeling a little peckish myself

I am a good person

When I was fourteen my boyfriend invited me to a party at his house.

The bathroom was out of the way, so he had to escort me.

To my chagrin, he waited for me just outside.

So I held the toilet handle down while I was peeing, hoping that the continued flush would drown out the sound of my stream.

But the toilet overflowed pee-water all over the bathroom floor.

Panicked, I cleaned up the mess with my boyfriend's bath towel.

After, I folded it and put it back on the rack.

Hey, I was fourteen.

The huge dutch guy who pissed in my kitchen sink just friended me on facebook.
Oh hi.

Halfsies

Today is my half birthday. Now when people ask me I get to say I'm 23 1/2.

I can't wait for the surprise party I know all my friends have planned for me. Maybe I'll finally get that world map shower curtain I've always wanted.

Putting the tight back in uptight

Dontcha Wish Your Girlfriend Had a Twat Like Me
(Dontcha?)

Does wonders for the pelvic floor muscles

The List

What a sick little kid.

I was flipping through the diary I kept when I was thirteen and found this. If you can't tell, it's a list of hookups.

I'm appalled. And a little proud.

As you can see, it's pretty sophisticated. Color coded, for one, and the names are marked according to a key which includes gems like "sloppy 2nd," "sloppy 3rd," "love declared," and "asked out/declined." Oh, and don't forget "fuck."

Class-y.

I like how I included "T or D kid." That's someone - evidently a stranger - who I kissed during a game of Truth or Dare. Does that even count? Had to bulk up the list, I guess.

Also features Will C***n, the guy who felt up my boobs on a chorus trip. We didn't even kiss, hence just the one pink star for second base. He's just one of the guys on this list who've since come out of the closet. I think I was his only pair of breasts. A-cups, the poor sucker.

I'm not sure what the tallies are at the bottom. But I can imagine.

There's actually another list like this later on in the diary. Mostly the same thing, only with more categories (e.g. "head 4 me!"), but I won't post it. I do have some shame.