I got paid at the beginning of the month. I celebrated by buying as much junk food as I could carry home.
After gorging myself on sugar cereal, I passed out on a nest of easter candy wrappers.
I woke to find that I had napped on a chocolate egg. It had melted between my warm body and the sheets beneath me.
The stain it left is so so outrageously atrocious. I cannot wait to wash my bedding and shock the old Greeks at the laundromat.
It isn't the first time this has happened.
On my 10th grade chorus trip to Washington DC, I glued myself to the bus seat with a strawberry Charleston Chew.
It fell between me and the seat when, in the middle of eating it, I slipped into a junior diabetic coma. I knew something was up when I tried to rise and was held back by the seat of my pants. Brown and pink and no change of clothes.
3 comments:
sarah once fell asleep in the middle of eating a felafel. she also spilt red wine all over her sheets.
This morning I woke up snuggling a 2-liter soda bottle.
I got paid once, and I celebrated by beating the everloving christ out of my cat. with a belt and a roll of duct tape. then he did the dishes and I quit my job all at once.
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